Over the years, this can become a life long pattern of behavior, more subtle as an adult, but infantile at heart. Every individual we come across in life is unique, with his or her own energy, desires and history. But wanting more control over people, our first impulse is generally to try to push them into conforming to our moods and ideas, into acting in ways that are familiar and comfortable to us. Every circumstance in life different, but this elicits that old fear of chaos and the unknown. We cannot physically make events more predictable, but we can internally create a feeling of greater control by holding on to certain ideas and beliefs that give us a sense of consistency and order.
This hunger for control, common to all of us, is the root of so many problems in life. If we try to dominate a situation with some kind of aggressive action, this becomes our only option. We cannot give in or adapt, or bide our time, that would mean letting go of our grip and we fear that. Having such narrow options makes it hard to solve problems. Forcing people to do what we want makes them resentful, inevitably they will sabotage us or assert themselves against our will. There are many different kinds of people in the world, and you can never assume that everyone will react to your strategies in the same way. Deceive or outmaneuver some people and they will spend the rest of their life seeking revenge. Ultimately what we find is that our desire to micromanage the world around us comes with a paradoxical effect, and the harder we try to control things in our immediate environment, the more likely we are to lose control in the long run.
Most people tend to think of these forms of direct control as power itself, something that shows strength, consistency, or character. But in fact the opposite is the case. They are forms of power that are infantile and week, stemming from that deep-rooted fear of change and chaos. Before it is too late you need to convert to a more sophisticated, fearless concept of power, one that emphasizes fluidity. Life has a particular pace and rhythm, an endless stream of changes that can move fast or slow. When you try to stop this flow mentally or physically by holding on to things or people, you fall behind. Your actions become awkward because they are not in relation to the present circumstances. Sort of like moving against a current as opposed to using it to propel you forward.
The first step is to let go of this need to control in such a direct manner. This means that you no longer see change and chaotic moments in life as something to fear, but rather as a source of excitement and opportunity. In a social situation in which you want the ability to influence people, your first move is to bend to their different energies. You see what they bring and you adapt to this, then find a way to divert their energy in your direction. Let go of the past way of doing things and adapt your strategies to the ever flowing present.
Often what seems like chaos to us is merely a series of events that are new and unfamiliar to us. You cannot make sense of this disorder if you are reactive and fearful, trying to make everything conform to patterns that only exist in your mind. By absorbing more of these chaotic moments with an open spirit, you can visualize and grasp a pattern, a reason why they are occurring and how you can exploit them. By employing the characteristic of water, you become fluid as the greatest potential force in all of nature. This does not mean you simply give in to what life brings you and drift. No, it means that you channel the flow of events in your direction, letting this add to the force of your actions increasing your momentum. People have an overwhelming desire to believe in something. Learn to become the focal point of such desire. But always remember to consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others.
